I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
