I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
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This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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