pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
