You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
