Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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