Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
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I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
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I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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