oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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