How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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