not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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