guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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