just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
