im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
