Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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