my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
NoShamevember. You game?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
