I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
