im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
