I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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