so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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