The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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