the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
