stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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