i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
