ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
