He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize