So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
