He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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