could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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