did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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