Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
