As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
