i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
