He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I think i got beer on your cat.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
