atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
