there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
