I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Boobs are out for the taking
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
