dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
