Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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