shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
