You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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