I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
