He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
