look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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