It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
