We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
