Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
