I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
