Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
