there was a trapeze. enough said
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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