Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
