i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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