I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
