The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
