I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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