his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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