Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
