you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
