This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So vagazzling was a success
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
