Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
