Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
is that a dick in a sweater?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
