okay pat passed out under dana's car
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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