im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
