Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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