Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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